Now That I Am Actually 30...

I've been full-on 30 now for a couple of weeks, and I can't say that I really feel much different. I know, HUGE shocker that one more day in your life doesn't change things that much, but I did still harbored an irrational fear that everything would change once the big Three Oh hit.

I have noticed one change though. That irrational fear of aging is fading. I still hold a bit of concern about what life will be like in my later years, but overall I'm more confident that I'm not going to fall over crippled by various spontaneous ailments.

There are still quite a few problems I'm working through: after knee surgery last year, I'm still trying to recover fully. I just learned (the hard way) that running on pavement is a big no-no for me at this point in my knee recovery. I'm still struggling with stomach issues, but it seems I've learned what combination of foods, drugs and activity will keep things under control. And I'm constantly fighting the prime gay fight: what is the optimal hair cut that enables me to look cute and young while maintaining a modicum of professional presence and without looking like one of those ridiculous gays I use to make fun of that still wear Abercrombie and Fitch well into their 50's.

Of course, I am keenly aware of my age these days. And, also of course, I know 30 isn't ancient or old by any means. But there was a few year period in my mid-20's where I would frequently forget which age I was. Someone would ask my age and I would have to think for a minute. Not any more. I'm 30 and I know it.

A good friend told me that when he turned 30, he had a moment of realization that he, much like the honey badger, just didn't give a shit. He stopped worrying so much about what others thought of him and stopped worrying about upsetting random strangers in social situations. I don't know if I've achieved this level of nonchalance, but I will say that I have reached a point where I am growing more comfortable with myself as a whole, which bolsters my confidence.

I'm 30, and just about everyone I went to school with is 30. My husband isn't far behind. Personally, I'm more than happy to welcome the next chapter in my life now that I've crossed the line into 30-something territory.

Turning 30

I'm turning 30 next month. Or, as The Gays put it, I'm officially entering "Daddy" age and must either be "hot" or submit myself willingly to the tar pits.

I'm pretty ambivalent about turning 30 overall. I'm excited for the future and happy to be moving into an age range where people might not immediately write me off as a chid. But, in general, I'm not too keen on less fun parts of aging, some of which I'm already experiencing (what do you mean I need to take a pill every day for the rest of my life…).

There's an even bigger issue to address than my own fear of aging: what in the hell to do my big 3-0 birthday bash. I think the norm here is to throw an elaborate party where I invite everyone I've ever met to come compliment me on surviving 30 years of being on this earth. Oh, and lots of drinking. Lots and lots of drinking.

But I'm not feeling it this year. I'm not feeling some over-the-top ball designed to massage my ego into to believing that "30 is just the beginning." I'm really OK with 30, but I'm really not OK with hearing dozens of people slur that mantra at me over the course of a night.

Now lets add to the mix that my birthday happens to fall on the Friday that begins Memorial Day weekend. Those familiar with the gay scene in Chicago know that Memorial Day weekend is the start of the Gay Holidays season (otherwise known as "Summer" to straight folk), and is the host to both IML (any link to this event is probably NSFW, so I won't bother trying to find one) and Bear Pride. Being that many of my friends are stoked for one or both events, or are straight and could care less about either one, and that my husband and I enjoy attending events during this weekend, the whole logistics of getting people together to celebrate my birthday is just not a headache I want to deal with.

I mean, most everyone is going to be out and about anyway, right? So I'm not really seeing what the difference would be if they're out "specifically" for my 30th or not. They'll be out, getting drunk, and having fun.

Then there's the people that wouldn't be interested in attending a bar night, for whatever reason. I want them to be able to celebrate with me as well, and an IML party might not be their idea of excitement. And although I'm sure that most of my bar-averse friends would be willing to attend a bar night for my birthday, I'd prefer we all have a good time.

So I'm in a pickle. What to do, what to do? I feel obligated to celebrate my 30th, but I just don't think the standard issue bar-crawl is in the cards for me this year.